It's weird how a pointless observation can make you consider stuff. I know nobody reads this at the moment, but I guess we'll use it like a time capsule in case I ever go on a killing spree and they trace my online activity to see if my latent mental health issues should have been picked up before hand, preventing countless deaths want to let people into my little bubble of consciousness.

Was watching Voyager with my housemate the other day, and it was a Borg heavy episode. I commented aloud about finding the Borg Queen attractive, and my housemate's response was to tell me matter of factly that it was because I like dominant women. Now, my housemate knows me pretty well, but not that well (certainly not biblically, more's the pity), and from my own experience I'd generally say that this assessment of me is about a million miles from the truth, but the conviction in my housemate's voice suggested that it was just some obvious and accepted fact. Pitching it to Facebook via status seemed to get similar responses (including from probably the only person who'll read this, heh) Combined with that hoo haa at the end of the last academic year when I found out several people were labouring under the misapprehension that I was gay (either closeted or openly, depending on who you asked), I've started to wonder what sort of signals I actually give out.

Anyone who knows me very well already who reads this (which is noone, unless you're snooping on me, but if you are you should just say hello already, I don't say anything here I wouldn't say to your face) probably knows that, pointless and brief misadventures aside, I've had three noteworthy 'relationships' in my life (all with women, by the by). Not one of those women was dominant. I'd go as far as to say far from it, but that's not polite conversation. Two of them (including the one I was with the longest) were very string willed and feisty, though, and it was a big part of what I liked about them.

I think what it comes down to is that I'm attracted to scrappy, tough girls... I think I like the sport, but I have to win. The few times I've almost ended up with people in the past year or so that's pretty much been the deal breaker- they've either been too easily cowed, or required me to give too much ground, and I can be incredibly stubborn with things like that. I dunno. I've been accused of expecting too much of people, especially from a relationship standpoint, but fuck it- if it's going to be a solid friendship, or a relationship and not just some biological tomfoolery, it must surely be better to set standards before hand, rather than try and shape people into what you want. Meh.

Pointless long winded self analysis with a dash of whining I guess. Maybe I really am good at this LJ lark! I do it in my head all the time anyway, not sure why I felt this needed committing to the ether. I might start writing more here. But really, do I come off as submissive and gay? IDGI.

It's normal to get a little giddy when you notice a beautiful person sitting across from you on the bus.

It's not normal to notice a beautiful person sitting across from you on the bus, and then go weak at the knees when you notice what brand of headphones they're wearing.

In my defence, the girl across from me had a sweet pair of Sennheisers. Just flashy enough to show that she cared about her music, but not enough to be obnoxious. Drool.

Makes a change from hotties with Skull Candy phones, anyway, who are high up on my list of people who'll be thrown into the fires when I take over.

Yeah I might start updating this again, at least over the summer. I might even find people to add, iono.

So yeah, where was I?

Things have gotten sorted! Finances organised, flat organised, move date organised, clubs researched, etc. It's all taken care of. Once you start dealing with these things they go away quickly, must remember that in future.

Zogg was... disappointing. I don't know. The music was top notch, the people were mostly beautiful, but it was just hard to enjoy ourselves. All of my friends are pretty highly strung at the moment, and I am for that matter, and I thought a big night out would be the best way to deal with that, but apparently not- it didn't really work for any of us. Plus it was exhausting. Ah well. I got to see friends, and it was nice to catch what I did of the Ben Fraser set (cloakroom complications... blah, no big deal), so it wasn't all a loss.

What've I been up to since then? Uuuuurgh, not a lot that's worth mentioning I guess- admin, flat viewing, etc. Impromptu chinese buffet the other day, but I think I've established that Jumbo doesn't compare well to No.1. Good fun all the same, and they had mini pancakes and BLANCMANGE! Not that I like blancmange, but I thought it deserved a mention.

Also noteworthy is the fact that this text is appearing before me on my nice new 19 inch hd ready tv/monitor type dealio. Which is sexy. It also makes me realise how out of date the rest of my PC is though. It's kinda like seeing a glamour model with an aging oil tycoon. It just feels dirty.

Music stuff? Well, ditched my attempt to go dancier. It created too much of a sonic dichotomy, and I'd rather be writing more rocky structured stuff anyway, so the dancier side will wait for another project. Mebbe a genuine dance project, who knows. Currently also in the process of remixing a track from a sort of trance-cum-synthpop thing into a breaks/D&B influenced harder edged number. I'll update about that when I'm done, in case anyone ever pops their head in here.

That's about all for now. Back to gaming, ya.

So, I've been trying to get my crap together these past few days.

I think I might have found my accomodation for Uni if the viewing goes well- main selling point being the 63 inch tv (!) that the place has, but also the niceness of the landlady and the fact that I think she works for the university, all good signs. If it's a dive when I get there then it's back to the drawing board, but it looks promising.

Picked up GTA4 the other day, and have been playing that rather a lot. I'm glad I'm mature enough to not take life lessons from video games, as so far GTA4 has taught be that drunk driving is not only OK, it's hilarious. I did get arrested after a few incidents while intoxicated, I have to admit, but I was released within the space of a few minutes- now that's realism! </social commentary>

ZOGG ZOGG ZOGG on friday, wewt. Went to the Corp and had a surprisingly good time on Saturday. The night was salvaged by bumping into nice Sheffield people. We had a decent night in the end (with fantastic Chariot pizza to crown it off) but it made me realise quite how out of practise I am when it comes to the dancing super fun tiem. Zogg will be quite tiring I think, but awesome.

Now my main priority is sorting finances for next year, which is stressful. Argh. If I could only attract the attention of a seedy but wealthy gaylord of advancing years, preferably with erectile dysfunction and a heart condition, then I wouldn't have to faff about with loans and all that shite, but there you go.

Peace & fucking.

This journal was originally going to be an effort to document my freemind experiments / drugless psychonautics / chaote ramblings, but I don't have time for that right now. I would like to start writing a journal again, though, so I'm dedicating this one to (hopefully) an equal split between personal ranting and music business. 

To start me off on this bent, observe:
Personal
I still haven't gotten anything sorted for Uni. I suppose it's because I'm bricking myself about it, and dealing with it makes it all more real, but I can't kid myself that this is the best plan of attack when faced with scary things. I'll get right on it tomorrow, I swear.
Other personal issues? There are some, yeah. Life would be so much less complicated without other people. I have some of the best friends I could possibly ask for right now, so why do I have to complicate that by alternately lusting after them or being too... I don't know... affection craving, I guess, to set boundaries on friendships? Iono. I'm lame. It's not even bothering me that much, just a niggle. Like a toothache.
I may have a toothache also. I hope not.
In an unrelated matter, Gary was also supposed to be coming over from yonder Sheffield today, but he fails at travelling, so I watched Silent Hill instead, go me. I do love that film.
Musical
Been a productive few days. Started work on the first track I've done in a while that could actually be danced to yesterday, and it was one of those that just fell into place quickly. Spent today nerding up on dance production and effective bass frequencies, on the off chance that anyone ever plays my music on a sound system better than shitty PC speakers, and I've managed to find some motherfucking bass after much fiddly tweaking and adjusting, so I'm quite happy. Still have to go back and finish another track, as well as apply my new technical knowledge to older tracks and bring everything up to the same mix quality. Also, need to get some damn vocals sorted out. I'm spending too much time on this at the moment, time I don't effectively have.

That is all.